There was this young Irish lass who had been away from home for about 5 years. One day she knocks on the door and her father answers.

Putting her head down whe said, “Da’ I’m ‘afraid to tell you I’ve become a prostitute, that’s why I’ve been away so long”

The father said,”Girl, ya’ darken me door: get out, this will kill your ma!”

The girl replies, “Da’ I’ll go but can I leave the gold Rolex for me brother, and can I seave the Sable coat for ma’ and dad, can I leave the BMW for you too? Oh, da, I still would like if you and me brother and mother would come on me yacht to the Islands over the holidays too.”

The father says, “Now what was it ya’ said you become daughter?”

“A prostitute da’.”

The father says, ” Oh praise heaven girl, I thought ya’ said ya’ become a Protestant.”

A crusty old Navy Admiral found himself at a gala event downtown,
hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in
attendance, one of whom approached the admiral for conversation.

She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are
you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?”

“No,” the Admiral said, “just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.” The admiral’s short reply was,

“Yes, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The admiral just continued to stare at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

The admiral looked at her and replied, “1955.”

She said, “Well, there you go. You really need to chill out and quit
taking everything so seriously. I mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a
little extreme?”

The admiral, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,

“Oh, I don’t know; It’s only 2130 now.”