Received in email, thought I would put it up here…

This is unbelievable! Never underestimate the power of makeup!

(more…)

I’m not an SNL fan lately… last several years, but this is the funniest thing they have had in a long ass time.

There was this young Irish lass who had been away from home for about 5 years. One day she knocks on the door and her father answers.

Putting her head down whe said, “Da’ I’m ‘afraid to tell you I’ve become a prostitute, that’s why I’ve been away so long”

The father said,”Girl, ya’ darken me door: get out, this will kill your ma!”

The girl replies, “Da’ I’ll go but can I leave the gold Rolex for me brother, and can I seave the Sable coat for ma’ and dad, can I leave the BMW for you too? Oh, da, I still would like if you and me brother and mother would come on me yacht to the Islands over the holidays too.”

The father says, “Now what was it ya’ said you become daughter?”

“A prostitute da’.”

The father says, ” Oh praise heaven girl, I thought ya’ said ya’ become a Protestant.”

A crusty old Navy Admiral found himself at a gala event downtown,
hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in
attendance, one of whom approached the admiral for conversation.

She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are
you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?”

“No,” the Admiral said, “just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.” The admiral’s short reply was,

“Yes, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The admiral just continued to stare at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

The admiral looked at her and replied, “1955.”

She said, “Well, there you go. You really need to chill out and quit
taking everything so seriously. I mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a
little extreme?”

The admiral, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,

“Oh, I don’t know; It’s only 2130 now.”

I think this will speak for itself. Premium gas for my car just hit $1.77 per gallon. Compared to the rest of the country, this is still probably cheap, but in Montana, the cost is obviously a little higher….

A sign at a business establishment in Philadelphia, PA:

WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH A SINGLE AMERICAN

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an
inflammatory statement. One would think that anti-hate groups from all
across the country would be marching on this business… And that the
National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back.

But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the
proprietors simply make their statement . . . We are a society who holds
Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty . . . And after all, it is just a sign. You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

ANSWER:

A local funeral home.
(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)

This morning, June 20 2004, I received an email from someone that pasted in this joke with a comment:

If you had a relative in the US military who gave their life in Iraq, it’s very unlikely that this would be amusing:

Of course, I had to reply, and here it is:

Excuse me, but I have two cousins who are officers servicing in the coast guard, one in Iraq. My two brothers served in Vietnam, my father served in Germany and Turkey during the Cuban Missile Chrisis, six of my uncles served in either Korea or Vietnam and my grandfather and his four brothers, all immigrants to this country, served in WWII.

Giving your life to a cause such as the freedom of an oppressed people is one of the greatest gifts you can give, and every single one of my family members who served in the armed forces would agree with that statement, and I am sure those men who died in Iraq felt the same.

Now, I suggest you read the joke again to get it’s full meaning…. beyond the first line.

Thank you for your apology.

At a small terminal in the Texas Panhandles, three strangers are awaiting their shuttle flight. One is a native american
passing from Oklahoma. Another, a local ranch hand on his way to Ft. Worth for a stock show. The third passenger is an Arab
student, newly arrived from the Middle East.

To pass the time they strike up a conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soo
n the Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout Muslim. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowpoke leans back
in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, and tips his big hat forward over his face.

Finally, the Native American clears his throat and softly he speaks, “Once my people were many, now we are few.”

The Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, “Once my people were few,” he sneers, ” and now we are many. Why do you
suppose that is?”

The Texan shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says, “That’s ’cause we
ain’t played Cowboys and Muslims yet.”